Friday, September 16, 2005

To work, Or not to work....

That is truly the most basic question for me these days; and if one looks at the number of times the question has been answered, and maybe make a plot of the outcomes, it can be seen to have a very prominent weight towards the second option namely, not to work. And from this basic question and the implied answer, there are so many child questions that arise like coffee or tea?, blog or not blog?, to go or not to go? and so forth.

The answers for these questions are not always as straight forward as the parent question though. There can be multiple affirmatives for individual questions simultaneously in which case a new question is instantly formed as in the examples below:
· To blog or to chat?
· To blog or coffee or chat ?
· To blog or coffee or chat or browse or read(magazines at the lounge)?
As you may have noticed already, the complexity of the decision making process has a direct dependency on the number of simultaneous affirmative outcomes.

I’m already working on a piece of code to automate this process, using a complex algorithm that weights the options in real time, taking inputs from the system clock, a recursive behavioral history tracking engine, calorie intake monitoring system etc. and thus reduce the load on my brain – I was always bad at making decisions anyway!

You must be thinking that I am pretty jobless – and how true that is.
Here as I sit n this cube farm brimming with typomaniacs (roughly translates to spectacled, multi lingual, overworked ghosts of people typing away frantically on black dell keyboards), - contributing my fair share to the project cost - my manager, and adjacent cubers definitely don’t share that sentiment you just expressed.

I’ll very shortly be publishing my latest book titled ‘Look busy- save your bottoms’.

To include -

  • Look busy in 10 easy steps
  • How to make personal phone calls sound official
  • The beginner’s guide to window tiling (Camouflage – the ultimate vanishing trick for chat screens)
  • The hitchhiker’s guide to having your boss on YOUR leash
  • How to develop a deep voice and 10 easy sound modulation techniques (trust me, this is MOST important)
  • The ultimate index of easy to use jargon (you needn’t even know what they mean to use them!) – comes in an add-on 100 page quick reference booklet

The book includes best tried and tested methods of looking and feeling important, and it could as well become your stepping stone to workplace success!

When I started writing the last book (that was an autobiography) I began with the intention of putting it on the blog as well, but after I read it and found out that some of the content might seem objectionable to a part of my audience - and going by the fact that this is an equal opportunity blog ( meaning I don’t discriminate between my viewers) – I was forced to refrain from going ahead with the original POA.

However after giving it a great deal of thought, I decided that I’ll take off the potential objectionable matter and give you what remains from one chapter.

Anybody that may require a full version may please raise an individual request with your email id, and I’ll get back to you with the e-book version as soon as possible..
Here’s the excerpt:

Chaprter 2 – Yellow flags on a glass boat

So many days have passed since then, in lumps of 365 (even an occasional 366 to avoid the monotony of the whole affair) - them whizzing past leaving no more than a trail like the ones left behind by the red tail lamps on a busy highway in the night.
The plant that I am has grown, suffering frequent transplantations in the process. Some say I’ve grown like a bonsai, but physical magnitudes don’t seem to matter anymore, for the years have passed, and if you cut me through, you’ll see the rings that are years’ gifts. On the outside there are new branches, and a blistered bark, and stumps that were destined to be branches, but pruned prematurely by someone else’s sense of aesthetics.

And the tree now sits in a seat with wheels in a glasshouse which has nothing to do with trapping the greenhouse energy, and nurtured by people for whom plants are way down on their kilometers long list of priorities. Here days are always predictable, for the simple reason that they never change. It is the same air refrigerated to the same temperature everyday, the same artificial lighting, and the same very artificial people.
But it is a small dynamic world, and I never believed this ever with as much conviction as much as I do now, that (contrary to what they used to motivate you with) past is a thing that never dies, and comes back to you when you least expect it, and sometimes with a painful punch packing such a brute force, that you’d wish that it had knocked the wind out of you in the first place.
(that was an addition to make the novel commercially viable.. people who know me please excuse the exaggeration – it is not completely untrue, though)

So there I was on a normal afternoon made out of the standard template – drowsy after a meal, the blue and green screen of code blurring away slowly in front of my eyes. There is a chime, and the bottom corner of my pc screen lets me know I have a mail . I closed outlook, a coffee mug popping out of a corner of my mind.

………….[Read more – post a comment, and raise an individual request!]


lash said...

u jus spoke for the 0.3813 million IT pros in blore in a very polite way.clap clap.

so u are in a crisis!i ve tried to categorise a lot of them under a lot of it,in my new post. said...