Friday, December 29, 2006

Bachelor Boy - Part 1

“When I was young my father said
Son I have something to say
And what he told me Ill never forget
Until my dyin day.
He said son you are a bachelor boy
And thats the way to stay.
Son, you be a bachelor boy until your dyin day”
(Now playing-->)

Presenting to you - The Bachelor boys’ guide to staying that way!
Brother, why would you choose not to be a bachelor any more? Okay, wrong choice of words – what would break you and push you over that cliff – into the point of no return?
If you answer the way I used to, well, all I say is no sweat! It’s not that bad after all. It’s like the do it yourself kit. Get your hot meal done day after day, everyday. Without the shopping and wailing and the jewellery and all that jazz!
And like all superheroes, all you need is a good side-kick, or better still, a bunch of them bananas!

Banana#1: Dal
Now this one here is super hero in the making. Dont be surprised if one day put this one puts all the women folk out of business. What amazes me is this guy’s capability to adapt and the ability to metamorphose into a new look and feel (are we forgeting something .. yeah taste!) practically everyday!
Monday he is dal nospecialname – goes well with rice, and some spicey chutney
Tuesday he’s dal pepperonit – you microwave it with extra fresh ground pepper – great with some boiled vegetables (broiled with chillie flakes cheese and ketchup, ofcource)
Wednesday and Thursday he’s sambar and then Thursday thru Saturday he’s rasam!
Magical cannot but be an understatement! If there’s a promised savior gentlemen, it is dal – your sidekick no.1!

Tips: Fry gently before you pressure cook (translated: yellow, orange – acceptable. Black – game over, try again!)
Pop those seeds – I don’t know what they’re called – The little ones that pop when you put them in oil – they make a lot of difference!

Banana#2: Brocolli, cabbage/any leaf.
This one is a beau monde star – for your lunch pack to office. Can be terribly decieving, and may trick the women into believing youre a healthy eater! And trust me, they don’t taste as bad as we were led to believing they do. And the best part is you don’t have to cook them. A dash of olive oil and a piece of lime can work wonders with this.
For the filling you can use mashed potatoes and chicken/egg/some spicey (dry) vegetable dish left over from the previous night (potato is another wonder vegetable – but more about that later) – the mashing can be done on a weekend and stowed away in the fridge.
With this you can grin back at the pot-bellied manager of yours the next time he opens his box at lunchtime, and does the smell-sigh routine.
Boys, do NOT give in to temptation!

Get those long breads – not the kind of stuff burgers are made of – more like an oval than a circle. Cut them with a knife (steal that from a restaurant *wink*– you don’t have to buy a cutlery set for that. ) along the length – something like 85% of the total depth. Wrap the filling inside the leaf, keep it inside and you're ready to go!

Accessories required to get started:

A fridge ( considering that all these things will only take up one third of the space, and that you’ll have the rest of it dedicated to beer, and that you’ll always have ice at your disposal, so you can actually buy that decanter set ( Imagine a home bar – it’s heaven!) , it is an investment worth every paisa – you’ll have to buy it either way should you decide to get married. )

A trash can and the bags: With the trash bags , you’ll need to empty them only twice in a week. No stinking kitchen anymore!

(And everything else – the stove and some cookware and all that.)

Emergency readiness:
Like the boss says, it always pays to be proactive than reactive.
So I bought myself more beer! For one, you can invite the guys over and drink to the disaster, but for cooking diasters, beer can be our own neighborhood superhero!
I had realized that I didn’t have enough cooking brain cells in my head, but necessity is the mother of evolution, so exigency made them suddenly appear. But the rest of the brain is still in good shape, so I was watching this game on TV while I was making some chicken.
And the suckers had to score right when I was putting the chilly powder in.
And cela va sans dire, what was intended to be chicken noname instantly evolved into chicken inferno!
But where there is a beer, there is always a way. I broke an egg into the curry, and a pint of Heineken and let it boil, and there it was – not so bad as it was before.

Epilogue: Some one reported having heard screams from the bathroom of apartment 9 the next morning..
Well, what can I say - It could have been worse! :)


moontalk said...

oh my!!
going by ur last few posts, i'm getting a wee bit worried for u my boy!will you survive the US? or more importantly, will the US survive u???
hmm...n Bush think Osama's the only thing he needs to worry bout !:D

pRicky said...

umm u r quite the invento chef huh???
US making you the jack of all trades huh???
So What plans for New years???
THe times square huh???

ToOothlEss WOndeR! said...

moontalk: they're gonna come after me. the CIA, and all the abd boys!

pricky: a BIGGER jack ass would be more like it.
i still dont have my tomorrow night planned. times square - definitely not. wouldnt want to be stuck in a place drinking beer with no place to pee. :D
connecticut, maybe. dont know yet.

Martin Jules said...

Are you INSANE? what kind of bloody hyped language is this ? The usages are absurd !!

Hope you will write some thing simpler to digest. Bloody goose.

ToOothlEss WOndeR! said...

martin jules: i have two words for you brother - take a hike!
ok that's three.
but you might as well take it. and dont come back. Bon voyage!

USHA said...

hehe.. gud read!

do lemme know when u put up ur magic recipes on potatoes in here!